


Just Say Something

by Wrappedbubble



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen Meet Differently, Bipolar Even Bech Næsheim, Cute Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen, Evak Endgame, Even Bech Næsheim Loves Isak Valtersen, Hurt Even Bech Næsheim, I promise, Isak Takes Care of Even, Isak Valtersen Loves Even Bech Næsheim, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Rape/Non-con Elements, Tags May Change, This will get better, Warnings May Change, controlling relationship, heed the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:15:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrappedbubble/pseuds/Wrappedbubble
Summary: After one episode too many Even convinces himself that his family will be better without him.  That his friends will be better without him.  That if he gives up all control then he will be better too.  But when Isak finds him, he knows better than that.  And he will be there for Even.  Even just needs to say something.
Relationships: Even Bech Naeshim/Original Male Character(s), Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 86
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

"You have a very pretty throat you know," Finn said, taking the camera from Even's hands and holding it up, snapping a photo of him, head tilted back and neck exposed. 

"I'm in the middle of going through yesterday's shots," Even said, trying to grab the camera back. Finn stepped a little to one side and tutted at him. 

"Say please and I'll think about it," Finn said, swinging the camera by it's woven wrist strap.

"Please," Even whispered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you?"

"Please," louder this time.

"I'm hungry," Finn said, tucking the camera in his back pocket. "Let's go and get something to eat and maybe I can find you something better to take photos of. I bought you the camera after all. You could at least take pictures of something interesting."

By the end of the day Even had trailed himself around after Finn for over three hours, watching the camera in his back pocket and wishing that he had backed up his work earlier. They had eaten in a small cafe on a street corner, Even barely tasting the food that Finn had handed over to him from his own plate. Finn had chosen. Finn had paid. Finn had told him to stop being so ungrateful when he had said that he was still a bit hungry. Finn had been the one to take him down an alley, eyes alight with sudden interest and talking about how he had found the perfect photo opportunity. Finn had told him to keep his pretty blowjob lips together and not make a sound as he took his phone out and used his other hand to pinch angry red marks to Evens throat while Even had breathed through his nose and screwed his eyes shut and tried to be quiet. Finn had taken a picture of his throat with his phone, not with Even's camera. 

Even let himself be covered up, let Finn pull his hoodie up to cover his head, let Finn wrap his scarf a little higher. He let Finn tell him that maybe he should send that one to Even's parents so that they would at least know that their son hadn't totally lost his shit and tried to kill himself again. That at least someone wanted to touch him.

"Anyway," Finn said as he took Even by the hand and pulled him out of the alley and towards the waterfront. "You know how it is with your parents." He looked at Even. "You know don't you Even?"

"I know," Even said, low and head down.

"So?" Finn prompted him.

"How many times can someones son try to off himself before they decide they're better off without him around anyway," he whispered.

"Exactly Even, exactly," Finn said, stopping to tilt Evens head up and look at him closely. For the smallest of moments Even's heart leapt up in excitement. Finn was going to kiss him. Finn was going to meet his lips to his own and in public. Finally. Finn stepped back and the breath that Even did not realise he was holding left him in a rush. He watched as Finn leant against a set of railings near to the waters edge, taking the camera out of his pocket and turning it on, flicking through the photos that Even had taken day before. Even let his feet carry him to the railing, leaning next to Finn, heart leaping with nerves now instead.

"Wow," Finn said, and not kindly. "Wow Even. I thought you were meant to be good at this shit. Jesus christ." Even looked up, raised his eyes. A trick that he had learned could hold tears back when they pricked at his eyes. "This might have been a waste of money after all." Finn said, pulling his arm back before flinging the camera out into the water and turning to look at Even.

"Fuck sake Even," Finn sighed. "Don't start crying in public, it's embarrasing for you. You know that don't you." Even nodded and blinked back his tears. "Let's go home," Finn started to walk away before calling back over his shoulder at Even. "We'll figure out a way for you to pay me back, don't worry."


	2. Chapter 2

Isak thinks it looks romantic. From where he's sat, with his friend, across from the waterfront; he definitely thinks it looks romantic. 

"So which one?" Jonas asks, tearing through his thoughts. 

"Huh?" Isak manages to say. 

"The one with the dark hair or blonde hipster elvis?" It takes Isak a beat or two of silence before he answers. 

"You know, just because I'm gay and I'm looking in the direction of two people who happen to be male, doesn't mean..." 

"I'm just going to stop you right there," Jonas said, pushing his palm across Isak's mouth. "Don't you be putting that on me Is. And while we're at it, you need to stop defaulting to shoving your old panic on anyone who sees you eyeing someone up. You're so much better than that now and I think you know it."

Isak huffed out a sigh from his nose and rolled his eyes at Jonas before muttering something into his palm. 

"What was that?" Jonas laughed at him. "Can't hear you Is. Actually I think I might stay like this. It's so nice!"

With another eye roll Isak stuck his tongue out as far as he could beneath Jonas' hand and licked his palm, laughing as Jonas squealed and rubbed his hand clean on his own trouser leg.

"I said," Isak said with a large intake of air. "That elvis has got nothing on him."

"So blonde hipster elvis it is then!" Jonas laughed at yet another eye roll. Pushing his chair up and back, Jonas stood up. "Bar? Blunt?"

"No can do man," Isak said, looking across at dark hair and blonde elvis as he spoke. "Don't want to get drugs busted."

"They're never going to test you, you know that right?"

"Probably, but I signed the contract agreeing to random tests so..." Isak shrugged, still watching as suddenly, dark hair pulled his arm back and sent what looked like a camera flying out into the fjord. "Wow."

"Huh?" Jonas said, turning to look the way Isak was staring. 

"Well that escalated quickly," Isak said. Not so romantic after all. If anything he would guess that those two were in for a night of stone cold awkward silence. 

"Damn," Jonas said. "But seriously, are you really not coming to a bar? Eva will be there."

"And watch you two make out all night? Nah, think I'll pass dude. And seriously. Work. Early." He stood and started to trail after Jonas, pausing at the street corner where they would have to go different ways.

"Ok, have it your own way!" Jonas said, pulling Isak in for a hug. "You hit your mid twenties and got all boring on me man."

"I didn't get boring," Isak said. "I got responsible."

"Funny that," Jonas said. "It's pronounced responsible but it's spelled b o r i n g." Isak lunged after him as Jonas ducked out of the way and ran down the street, shouting as he went. "You love me Valtersen!"

"I tolerate you!" Isak yelled back. "Save the loving for Eva!"

A tram rumbling around the corner interrupted Isak's view just as Jonas disappeared around a street corner, no doubt in pursuit of a good time, a late night, and some sex. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't wish he had something more than pornhub and his hand to go home to. With a sigh he stepped on to the tram and let it carry him home ready for another night of sleeping alone and another day of work. 


	3. Chapter 3

Even was not concentrating on his surroundings when a t shirt suddenly hit him in the face. He had been in the middle of sending a quick message to his parents. Nothing personal. Nothing saying where he was. Nothing saying who he was with. Finn insisted that he only ever say that he was alive, he was safe and he wanted them to leave him to lead his own life. Dutifully he sent these messages every four or so months. He knew that Finn was right. It was one less thing that he needed to worry about once the message was out of his head, on the screen, and out into the ether.

"That's for you to wear tonight," Finn said, pulling his own sweater up and off, replacing it with a shirt. 

"Are we doing something?" Even asked, quickly hitting send on his phone. "I messaged my mum."

"Good," Finn said, looking at himself in the mirror, tweaking at his hair with his fingertips before meeting Even's gaze in the reflection. Even stood and pulled his hoodie off and put the t shirt on before moving to stand behind Finn, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his hair. 

"Fuck sake Even," Finn said, nudging him away with a sharp jab from his elbow. "You've literally just sat and watched me do my hair then you decide to come over and mess it all up?" Even stepped back, pulled his arms across his own chest and looked down at his feet before muttering out his apology and reaching for his discarded hoodie on the bed.

"Woah woah woah woah," Finn interrupted him as Even got his arm in the first sleeve. "What are you doing!?"

"Putting my hoodie on?" Even said, the phrasing a question. He had done something wrong, he could guess that much. 

"I gave you that t shirt because that's what you're wearing tonight," Finn said. 

"But..." Even stumbled over the word, giving it more syllables than it needed. 

"But what?"

"My wrists," Even whispered, looking back at the floor again. Silence spread out in front of him making him uncomfortable. He flinched when he felt Finn grab at his wrists. 

"Even," Finn said. "Even look at me. Look at me." Even raised his head to meet Finn's eyes.

"I'm looking," he whispered. 

"No one is going to notice your wrists ok?" Even let Finn pull him closer, let him draw his hands behind his back and press their cheeks together so that he could whisper in Even's ear. "Believe me sweetheart, the only thing anyone notices is your fuck-me-here mouth. And that is exactly what I'm going to do to it when I get you home later. Ok? So you should stop worrying."

"Ok," Even said, nodding into Finn's neck. Finn would take care of him. Finn was not ashamed of Even's scars. Finn was going to let Even make him feel good later and Even could hardly wait. He would get his scars out all day long if it meant that Finn cared.

Even had followed Finn out of their flat. Had followed him to a party and had tried to hold on to his own wrists and keep his arms folded all night. Finn had been right of course and no one had even looked anywhere other than his face. In fact, Finn had come laughing out of the kitchen and dragged him away from the party eventually, telling him that too many people were looking at him and his lips and his ass. 

They had walked home, Even feeling like he was floating, like he was on a high. People had looked at him, noticed him, maybe even wanted him. And he had Finn to go home with and he did not need any of those other people.

"I'm so lucky Finn," Even murmured as they stumbled into the hallway of their flat. "I'm so lucky that you found me." Even whispered the words out as Finn's hand pushed on his head, forced him to his knees. He went, dropped to the floor and opened Finn's pants to get access to him. To put his fuck-me-here blowjob lips to good use. 

"I know," Finn said. "Now how about you stop talking and start putting that mouth to better use huh?" Even did not need to be told twice. He opened his mouth and took Finn in as far as he comfortably could, worked on building a rhythm, let Finn twist his fingers in his hair and push him back up against the wall to press in and out off his mouth until he he was all used up. 

Limp and sated, Finn pushed him away with his palm on Even's forehead, leaving him to slump down the wall. 

"That was good repayment Even," Finn said. Even knew he was taking about the camera. He practically glowed under the praise that was thrown his way. "But next time, don't let me catch you trying to cover yourself when I so carefully picked your outfit ok?"

Even watched Finn walk away to their bedroom before he picked himself up off the floor, wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and followed along. The bitterness of Finn in his mouth that he had convinced himself tasted sweet suddenly seemed bitter again.


	4. Chapter 4

_Drugs buuuuuuust!!!!!!!_

_What the fuck man!?  
Is?  
Isak!?  
Do I need to shift the weed?  
ISAK!_

_HA! Nah man, I mean I finally got tested today. Told you._

_Fuck man. I thought you had some insider intel or some shit. Why am I your friend again?_

_No, I'm a simple admin assistant. , And we're friends because our surnames both begin with V. It's the glue that's holding this whole thing together._

_Trainee admin assistant. Buuuuuuurn_

_Whatever! Anyway, I told you so. Had to give a pee sample today. See this is why I don't go bar crawling with you and Eva._

_Wish you did._

_Me too._

_Seriously Is, I'm going to marry that girl. I am!_

_Bro. I believe you. Shit man, I'm actually going to cry!_

Isak shut down the screen on his phone and leant back in his chair. His conscience was clear, and he sent a swift thank you up to literally any higher being that had given him the good sense to skip out on Jonas and Eva's big night out. And judging by what he had just read, they had been more than fine without him. 

"Isak?"

"Nina?" Isak looked over at his colleague. His increasingly pregnant colleague who looked frankly a little desperate 

"I need to pee. Like, yesterday. Again," she was already standing up, most of the way out of her chair. "Can you just man the hatch for me? Please!" 

"But no one has given me any front desk training," Isak whined. "I haven't got the first idea what I'm doing there!"

Nina huffed and waddled towards him, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out of his chair and back towards the hatch with the sliding glass that made up the front desk. 

"I can pee for Norway right now so I'll be back before you know it," she pointed at a button on the phone. "If it rings just pick it up, say hold please and press that button. And I highly doubt that in the thirty seconds I'll be gone that anyone will come in here asking to report a murder or anything." She finished up by shoving him down into her seat by his shoulders and promised to buy him coffee at lunch because, in her words, someone ought to get to enjoy the caffeine.

Isak sat and tried to look relaxed. The radio was playing some awful low volume pop song. Nina had swiftly vetoed his attempts to play 90s hip hop, saying that it probably was not appropriate for a police station reception area. He eyed the phone warily. 

"Don't you dare fucking ring," he muttered at it, eyes narrowed. 

"Excuse me?" Isak jumped at the sound of someone speaking to him. 

"Sorry?" He said. 

"You said something?" the woman stood at the hatch asked. She was with a tall man, both tired looking and holding on to one another's hands. 

"Um, no, not..." he cleared his throat and tried again. "Sorry, is there something I can help with? I don't usually work here but I'm sure I could..."

"We need to talk to someone about our son please," the man said, quietly, looking from Isak to the woman and back again. He looked nervous. He looked frightened. Isak felt way out if his comfort zone. 

"Ok," he said. "I'll see who I can find for you. What is it about your son? I'll try to find the right person for you."

"He's missing," the woman whispered.

"Right, ok," Isak felt sick, instant nausea. His hands were shaking as he reached for the internal phone directory, trying to find the right officer to talk to them. He was in the middle of trying to separate two stubborn pages when he heard the click of the internal door, relief at the sound of Nina's shoes on the hard floor. 

"Mr and Mrs Bech Næsheim," she said kindly, effectively releasing Isak from his panic as they turned to face her instead of him. 

"Nina," the woman said. Mrs Bech Næsheim Isak thought.

"How are you both?" Isak watched Nina reach out to squeeze their hands kindly, thoughtfully. 

"Please," Mr Bech Næsheim said. "We really need to speak to someone. Please."

"Have you heard anything from Even?" Nina asked. 

"Um," Isak watched the couple pause, stumble over their words. "He sent us a message yesterday." Nina pressed her lips together and let out a gentle sigh. 

"I'll find your officer for you, but with contact like this he's not really a missing person," she said, ushering them to a couple of uncomfortable looking plastic seats opposite the hatch. 

"Please do," Mrs Bech Næsheim whispered, still firmly grasping on to her husbands hand and arm. Isak watched her eyes stray to Nina's large baby bump. "He's our only child."


	5. Chapter 5

Even had spent almost the whole day tidying the flat. Finn's flat. With a day to himself and nowhere to go he had flung the windows open. He had aired the place out. All dust had been eradicated, nothing had escaped his attention. He had run the vacuum cleaner around the floors. He had even gone so far as to clean the toaster. Just because his day had started with a message from his mother pinging up on his phone, that certainly had nothing to do with his desperate desire to redirect his energy. He could convince himself of that simply by picturing how happy Finn was going to be when he got home. Even had an idea in his head that Finn had mentioned bringing friends back after work, so Even also made sure to put out some bowls with crisps and dips, some chocolate, some cooked and cooled pizza slices, all of which he carefully covered. He took out glasses for beer just in case they wanted that instead of bottles. 

With around half an hour to spare before Finn was due home, Even finally made it to the shower and cleaned the days dust off himself and out of his hair. He let his hand linger as he cleaned down his torso. He touched at his nipples, pimched them to taut little peaks. He trailed his hand lower, skimmed his hip bones and across his dick, moving quickly enough to arouse but not finish. He wanted Finn to be the one to finish him. He wanted Finn to make him peak. 

He touched at the scars on his wrists and gently washed them. Finn must love him and scars to be seen out in public with them. He knew because he had been told, Finn had told him, that his scars were too much for most people. They were too much for his parents. But they would never be too much for him so long as Finn was alright with them.

It was when he was in their room, towelling the last of the water off his body, that he heard the front door opening and voices filling the flat. He had been right after all then. Finn had brought friends back. All of his efforts had not been for nothing. He quickly pulled on sweat pants and the same t shirt that he had worn when Finn had let him take him into his mouth. The bitterness had twisted back into sweetness since then. It always did. 

"There you are," Finn said, closing the bedroom door behind himself and moving to pull Even to his chest. Even sighed, practically whimpered into the touch. 

"Did you see the food?" Even asked into Finn's shoulder where he pressed his nose to take in his smell. 

"I did," Finn said. "I wasn't sure that you wouldn't hang around here wasting your whole day." Even let himself be pushed back slightly, let Finn pull one of his scarred wrists up to be kissed. "I'm glad I decided to buy you a present today."

"For me?" Even asked, trying but failing to dampen the hope that it might be a new camera.

"Yes you, silly," Finn said. "You wait here and I'll go get it."

Even waited for Finn to come back. He waited and waited as his excitement twisted into something like disappointment as half an hour passed. He had started to pace the room, not quite daring to go out and interrupt Finn and his friends when he heard the door open. 

"Close your eyes Even baby," he heard Finn say. He caught the waft of weed and beer that entered the room. Baby. A sure sign that Finn's night had just started and would likely only get worse from here on in. Still, Even did as he was told listening to some banging around behind him. 

"There!" Finn announced. Even turned around and opened his eyes. There it was. His old easel with his old paints and a brand new canvas. He smiled. He forced a smile on to his lips and stamped down on his disappointment at it not being a camera. The last time he had seen that easel had been during his last manic episode. His memories of it were a little hazy but the easel stood out. He had spent hours trashing canvas after canvas with he thought was art. It made him feel nervous and ashamed seeing it again in front of him. But he smiled. He smiled as Finn kissed him firmly on the lips before leaving him on his own. He smiled into it because the kiss at least was wonderful even if the canvas was not a camera but a horrible memento of his past self. 

Even looked at the canvas. He looked and felt fidgety. He picked at his wrist scars. He felt fine. He felt fine. Finn had kissed him and bought him a gift and just because he was smoking and drinking out in the living room, he still loved Even. And Even chose to believe that the kiss was a promise for something better later.


	6. Chapter 6

Isak started his day off exactly as he had planned. He woke up slowly, stroked himself to a messy morning orgasm then showered it all off, dwelling only slightly on how much nicer it would have been to have shared the experience with someone else.

Still, a day off was a day off and he was well aware that once Nina's maternity leave started, he would be less able to take a day here and there like he could now. And after his uncomfortable first attempt at manning the front desk he was ready for a day of mindlessly pleasing himself. 

Getting dressed, brushing his teeth, putting his shoes on. All were accompanied by the uncomfortable thought of what Nina had told him after Mr and Mrs Bech Næsheim had left, picking away just at the edge of his thoughts. Their only son, only child actually, was unwell. She said that she could not tell him much but that he was mentally unwell, possibly unstable but not able to be classed as officially missing. He kept in touch. Regularly. 

When Isak had asked if anyone heard considered that anyone could be on the other end of those messages Nina had shaken her head. She had looked sad. She had told him that Mr and Mrs Bech Næsheim had said exactly the same thing. But no one was going to open a missing person case investigation on the off chance that someone else was sending the messages. It had been about two years, maybe longer. Why would someone keep that up for so long. It all seemed pointless. 

Isak had watched as Nina had rubbed at her baby bump, had cradled it like she could stop anything bad ever happening to a child that had yet to be born.

His own mother had struggled. She had to fight day in and day out to keep herself together for him and for his sister when falling to pieces would have been the easiest option. 

At this moment in time, Isak honestly could not think of anything less appealing than being a parent.

Shaking his head, he grabbed his keys and wallet from the dish at the end of the kitchen worktop and headed away from his flat and in the general direction of the water front, a plan forming in his head. He trailed along in amongst the tourists, losing himself in their varied languages, their new mannerisms. He let himself be swept up and on to an overpriced tour of his local fjord, something that he had never actually bothered to do before. What he found most surprising was how much he enjoyed it. He found himself practicing English with an elderly couple from somewhere called Mousehole which they insisted was pronounced Mowzel. He told them in turn that his name was most definitely not pronounced Isaac. They had all laughed and he had taken photos of them on their camera. 

By the time his stomach began to grumble he had forgotten all about what it was that was sometimes making him feel mildly nervous at the edges. Heading into the nearest coffee shop he ordered himself a latte to go and a crisp golden pastry in a brown paper bag which crinkled satisfyingly in his hand. The water was looking appealing again so he let it call him back, leaning up against a set of railings with his coffee at his feet. He felt good. He felt happy. He had even flirted a little with his barista. 

Bending to pick up his coffee he twisted away from the railings and there he was. About ten feet away, twisting his fingers around and around on themselves and looking flushed. Blonde hipster elvis. Isak hesitated. It was more than flushed. His eyes seemed to bright, too watery. He looked uncomfortable. He looked ill. And then it was there. The pricking nervousness. The memory of a camera sailing through the air and into the water. Without even questioning it, Isak walked over to him and leant against the railings next to him. He sipped at his coffee and sighed, feeling slightly gratified when he saw blonde hipster elvis glance quickly at him in the periphery of his vision.

"I've got a tissue and some Ibux," Isak said, still looking out across the water. 

"Um," blonde hipster elvis stuttered the noise out. 

"You look like you might need to blow your nose," Isak said, turning to face him. "And you look uncomfortable. Feverish. So Ibux is your friend!" If he didn't know any better Isak could have sworn that he saw him flinch at the word friend.

"I don't know," blonde hipster elvis said. 

"What's your name?" Isak asked suddenly. 

"My name?"

"Yeah!"

"Why?" He looked nervous Isak noticed. Something was definitely strange. 

"Well, and this is going to sound stupid, but right now in my head I'm calling you blonde hipster elvis." Isak blushed. He knew it. He was blushing. He could feel his cheeks heating up. It didn't help that blonde hipster elvis let out a sudden and fully genuine laugh. One that lit up his flushed and sad face with a moment of unbridled joy. One that made his eyes almost close with how happy he looked. Isak just blushed more. 

"Even," he said. "Not blonde hipster elvis. Sorry." Isak laughed this time. 

"Even, I'm Isak," he said. "And my Ibux is your Ibux. If you want it."

"I don't know," Even said. "My boyfriend says meds are pointless. That you just get reliant on them. So..." He trailed off, looking nervous and uncomfortable again. For some reason the word 'vulnerable' flashed through Isak's mind at the same time as the disappointment of hearing the word boyfriend. Evidently the camera throwing had just been a small blip to them.

"I've got some friends who say the same thing," Isak said, the urge to comfort Even coming on strong. To make him know that it wasn't such an unusual thing. When Even stayed silent Isak turned his attention back to his coffee while keeping Even in the edge of his vision. 

"Even!" The sudden yell made them both jump, made them both turn in the direction of the interruption.

And there he was. Striding towards them. Dark hair. Isak had no desire to know this person's name. He watched him crowd up against Even, take Even's face between his hands and look him over like he was a possession. Without realising it, Isak had taken a step back from them. 

"Who the fuck are you?" Dark hair was asking, demanding it. Directing it at Isak like an accusation. "Do you know who this is Even?"

"I was just offering a tissue," Isak said, hands up in supplication, one still holding his take out latte. 

"Why were you offering a tissue?" Dark hair asked. 

"He looked like he had a cold..." Isak was cut off by dark hair grabbing Even by the arm. 

"Home," dark hair said. Nothing more. 

Isak watched Even almost fall over his own feet to follow. He watched and watched. He carried on watching as they went. He could almost convince himself that Even was trying to look back at him but was stopping himself.

Home. That's what dark hair had said. Home. Isak pushed away from the railings. Home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So this one is a harsh chapter. It's not an easy one for Even. But this is what is going to get him out of the flat and away from Finn for a bit. On his own. Which he really really needs and deserves. 
> 
> Please trust me on this and stick with it. 
> 
> Isak chapter next to soothe this one.

"Did you think he was attractive?"

They were the first words that Finn had said in the five hours since he and Even returned to their flat. Away from the waterfront. Away from Isak and the notion of friends. 

Even had been intermittently eyeing the cabinet with the little locked box of pain killers and making paint marks with his fingers on his canvas. He wasn't truthfully ill at all. Isak had mistaken it and Even knew that. But he was unable to stop looking towards the cabinet. Pills were not his friend. Pills could do him harm and Finn had worked so hard to try to keep him from them. To keep him from the harm that they could do. 

Even thought about prising that stupid locked box open and eating down every last pill in there. He wasn't even mildly surprised when he turned his attention back to his painting to discover that the marks he had made were looking more and more like water and railings.

"Are you ignoring me now?" Finn said, his words coming from closer than they had been. 

"No," Even muttered, reaching his hand out to dab more paint on to the canvas. He was stopped midway by Finn's hand grabbing at his wrist and shaking him. 

"Then answer the fucking question Even!" Finn pulled at his arm, pulled him up from where had been sat. "Or are you going crazy again? Huh? Is that it?"

"No!" Even shouted back. He didn't even know which part of the question he was answering anymore. No of course he didn't think Isak was attractive or he sure as shit wasn't going to say that he did to Finn. No he wasn't ignoring him. No he wasn't going crazy. Or at least he didn't think he was. He shouted again, he shouted no over the top of Finn's shouting, each trying to out do the other. Finn still had hold of Even's wrist, still pulling and shaking and Even was aware that he was screaming at Finn that he was hurting him as Finn kept on yelling about Even looking at other boys, about how he must be fucking crazy to be looking at anyone else.

Just as suddenly as he had grabbed him in the first instance, Finn released his wrist, pushing his face nose to nose with Even. 

"As if one more mark on your wrists would matter anyway," he sneered. Even dropped his gaze to the floor. There was nothing that he could think to come back at Finn with after that. Because it was true. He was certain that it was true. 

"I don't think you need this anymore either," he heard Finn say, watched him grab the canvas roughly off the easel. 

"Not that," Even said, pleaded. "Finn please, please, not that. Let me keep it please. Please!" He tried to grab it as Finn pushed past him, further into the room and across to the window. 

"Finn no," Even cried. "Please! Please!"

Even watched Finn open the window. He watched him shove the canvas out then shut it again. He watched him turn to look directly at him. 

"Even, please," Finn said quietly. "Stop making me do these things."

Without even thinking about what the consequences would be, Even turned and ran. He ran out of the flat, he ran down the stairs. He ran out into the night in jeans, a tshirt and slippers. He ran around the building until he pulled up below their window, grabbing up his twisted and battered canvas and hugging it to his chest tightly, breathing heavily in and out while his heart raced.

Looking up he could see that the lights were off in their bedroom now. With his rescued canvas clutched tightly to himself he walked back to the front of the building and buzzed up to ask to be let back in. He waited and hugged on to the canvas tighter. He buzzed again. 

He buzzed a third time. 

He blinked a couple of tears out of his eyes and down his cheeks. 

He buzzed again. 

He pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the door and let a small sob well up from his chest. 

He buzzed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless you and keep you AU Isak!

"Ow, man, my back is killing me!" Isak groaned as he stood up from his chair and bowed his back first forwards and then backwards. 

"Oh no you don't" Nina said. "I think you'll find that's my line." Isak smiled over at her, knowing that he would miss her while she was off on her rapidly approaching maternity leave. She had stayed late with him, teaching him more about the front desk, more about paper work and phone protocol and who should be contacted for what problems. 

"Far be it from me to disagree with a woman who's eight months pregnant," he said, grinning at her. 

"Now that's more like it!" Nina said, rubbing at her lower back.

"Would you like me to go remake your hot water bottle? For your drive home?" Isak asked. 

"Isak, this is highly confidential and you must not tell my husband but yes please, and I think I love you."

"You're only human!" Isak called out as he picked the bottle up from Nina's seat where it had gone mildly lukewarm and headed out to the staff room to refill it. By the time he got back, Nina was bundled up in a coat and scarf, gloves and a hat as she reached out and took the bottle from him. 

"Seriously though," she said, pushing past him and out the door into the corridor. "Love Isak! Love! You're going to make some guy the happiest man on earth one day. Just you wait!" She shouted the last part out as she went through the front door and out into the cold and dark of the early winter evening.

Isak laughed quietly to himself as he logged out of his sign in on the computer, getting himself wrapped up in a thick coat and scarf ready for one of the people who worked upstairs to come and work relief for the night. With a quick glance around and a shuffle of papers back in place he gratefully and very quickly made his way outside as soon as his replacement arrived. A quick goodnight and a fumble for his phone and he was out, breathing clouds of air into the night and rolling his eyes at the ridiculous snapchats that Jonas and Eva has sent him.

"Couple of idiots," he muttered with a chuckle before pocketing his phone and looking up, straight at Even. Even who was standing in front of him wearing totally unsuitable clothes, what looked like slippers and hugging an artist's canvas to his chest like it was a life ring.

"Even?" Isak asked, feeling instantly stupid because of course it was him. 

"Oh, um," Even stuttered the sounds out. He looked cold. He looked terrified. He sounded cold and terrified too. Stuttering and wide eyed. Or shivering. Or both. Isak moved a little closer. "Um... do you work here?" Even said suddenly, pointing at the police station and almost dropping his canvas in the process. 

"Yeah," Isak said. 

"Are you, um, I mean you're not a...?"

"Police officer? Heck no! I stay the safe side of things. Just an admin assistant. Trainee admin assistant to be precise. My friends don't let me forget that part." Isak wanted to keep talking, wanted to keep Even near to him.

"Ok," Even said.

"Oh! Did you, did you need a police officer?" 

"No!" Even said before the last word have finished leaving Isak's mouth. 

"Ok," Isak said, trying to look subtly at Even's feet. Definitely slippers. "Do you need coffee?" He tried instead. Even looked at the floor then back up at him slowly, a very small and timid smile playing at the corner of his lips. 

"Um, yeah," Even spoke so quietly that Isak moved closer again to hear him. "That would actually be amazing."

"It's decided then and it's my treat," Isak watched as Even somehow managed to look even more nervous. "It's pay day tomorrow and I could really do with someone to treat once in a while." 

That seemed to help as Even smiled again and fell in step with Isak, walking away from the police station and in the direction of a small and independent coffee house that Isak knew stayed open until late. Somewhere small and quiet and dimly lit. 

He let the walk pass in silence, wondering if Even would break it. Wondering if Even actually felt able to. Wondering if this was all dark hairs fault and hoping that it wasn't as bad as his imagination was letting him think.

Isak pushed his way into the cafe first, holding the door for Even and nodding towards a spare table. Comfortable enough seats but not a couch with cushions like he had been hoping for. 

"Will a latte do?" Isak asked. "Or anything else really, I mean you just say the word. I'll get whatever you want."

"Latte is great thanks," Even said, sitting in the chair closest to the corner. 

"Coming right up," Isak said, leaving him flailing a little with his bent canvas, seemingly unable to decide where best to put it before tucking it carefully between his leg and the chair leg. He came back to the table with two large, steaming hot mugs of coffee and a sample selection of every type of sugar and sweetener that they had.

"One latte and all the sugars," Isak said, depositing their little packets down with a flourish. Even took a few tentative sips of his drink before finally looking at Isak. 

"Thank you so much," Even said before lapsing back into silence for a few minutes. Isak sipped at his own coffee and waited. 

"Would you," Even said. "I mean, could you... can I show you my picture?"

"Yeah," Isak said. "I'd love to see it." Even reached down and pulled the canvas back up, handing it across the table making sure not to knock their drinks over then crossed his arms on the table and rests his head there. 

Isak took it gently and turned it over. It was battered around the edges. One of the wooden braces across the back had snapped and there was mud on it. It was a little bent. And it was beautiful. Finger marks of subtly blended colours formed an abstract of water and sky. And railings depicted but not obtrusive, not interrupting the view of the water beyond, just gently guiding away from the danger that could be out there. Isak looked at it over and over again. He knew exactly where it was. It was their railing, it was where they had spoken and where Even had laughed like he had no cares in the world. 

"It's amazing," Isak said, tearing his gaze from the canvas only to be brought up short by the sight of Even before him. Head cradled in his own arms, eyes shut and lips ever so slightly parted as he huffed small sleepy breaths in and out. Isak watches as his own hand moves to Even's hair before he gives it permission, tucking a stray bit of hair away from his forehead. Not stopping there, unable to stop, unwilling to stop, Isak stroked at Even's hair over and over. He stroked until he knew hat he would cry with how it feels if he doesn't stop. 

With a shaking sigh of reluctance he brought his hand back to his coffee and finished his drink, moving Even's away in case he moved in his sleep and knocks it off the table. Then, sitting back, he held tightly to the canvas and watched until Even blinked himself back into alertness. 

"Oh," Even said softly, blinking and looking around himself. "I'm so sorry. I fell asleep." Isak smiled at him. 

"No need to be sorry, but I think your coffee's gone cold." Isak felt himself flush red in his cheeks. Sympathy- blushing with Even who had gone red too.

"I should go," Even said. 

"Do you have somewhere to go?" Isak asked carefully. "I mean, you'll be ok getting there?" The thought of Even's slippers crossed his mind once again. " Maybe... do you want my jacket?"

"Oh no," Even stood quickly and Isak hastened to follow. "No thank you, I couldn't take that back with me."

"I don't mind," Isak said, still holding the canvas. 

"I can't take that back with me," Even said, a little more firmly. 

"Ok, um... sorry. But..." Isak stuttered uncertainly over his words. 

"I'll be fine," Even said. "Just..." he motioned to himself with his hands. "Silly me," he said with a little laugh. "We've all done it right? Gone out in pyjamas or, or, um. You know. Slippers." He laughed again, sounding forced to Isak's ears.

"It happens, yeah," Isak whispered watching Even moving toward the door, edging further away from him. "Your picture," Isak realised that he still had hold of it. 

"Oh yeah, um, that," Even said. "I don't really have anywhere to put it so I guess I'll put it in the bin on the way back."

"I have somewhere," Isak said in a hurry, immediately hating the thought of the canvas being thrown away. "Could I keep it for you? If that's ok?" Even was already half way out the door when he looked back at Isak, finally smiling just faintly. 

"Yeah, that's... yeah. Yes you can keep it for me. I'd like that."

Even left. The door shut behind him and Isak stood, clutching on to his canvas.


	9. Chapter 9

It's still just clinging to darkness when Even finally makes his way back to the building, when he presses the buzzer and hopes that Finn will let him back in. He can imagine the warmth inside, can picture the bed with its heat and cosiness. Right now he would give almost anything to be somewhere warm, somewhere his toes don't feel like they might fall off.

He has counted to over one hundred breaths in and out before the door suddenly and obnoxiously buzzes back at him, the lock giving way and letting him into the building. He almost sobbed with the relief of it, stepping quickly through and taking the elevator up to the floor he needs.

Finn had opened the door to the flat, propped it with a shoe so when Even got there he let himself straight in, closing the door quietly behind himself. He padded lightly through to the living room, expecting Finn to have gone back to bed but instead finding him sitting on the couch in the now dim light of the morning.

"I've been worried about you Even," Finn said. Whispered really. Even shuffled awkwardly in place, looking between his filthy slippers and Finn's profile, lit slightly by the increasing daylight coming through the window. 

"Sorry Finn," Even whispered. "I did try to buzz but you didn't let me in."

"You did?" Finn asked, turning finally to look Even's way. "I didn't hear anything." Finn patted the space next to him on the couch and Even moved to sit by him. 

"I won't ask where you were Even," Finn said. "I have been out of my mind worried about you, you know that?"

"Sorry," Even said again. He leaned towards Finn who took hold of Even's chin and pulled him in, pressed a kiss to his lips which Even sighed into and broke away from in a gasping hurry when the image of Isak burst into his minds eye. Isak. Isak kissing him. Isak worrying about him. Isak treasuring his art. Isak missing him. 

"Come back," Finn muttered, pulling Even back to him. Even who went to him, eyes closed and thoughts rebellious. Even who left Finn pull him down to his lap, and Even who tucked his head on to Finn's lap and let his hair be stroked and pulled just enough to hurt. 

Even who pretended to fall asleep while Finn murmured to him about his plump lips, his pretty mouth. 

Finn wanted him. Even knew that he should be glad. All he ever wanted was for Finn to actually want him back but his guilty conscience could only think of how happy he had been with Isak. How much better Isak's fingers felt carding through his hair.

Even turned his face to press into Finn's crotch, to mouth at him. To lose himself in the feeling and the imagination. To let himself have the escape of his mind where this is still him. But this is definitely not Finn. 

It was the most free he had felt in a long time. He was confused. He was there with Finn. His mind was away with Isak. 

He wanted to find Isak.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys are getting there. Don't forget... Even knows where Isak works. This is very important in the future!!!
> 
> Edit to add... is anyone interested in updates over Christmas? If so I'll do my best to do so.

_Duuuuuuuuude!!!!!!!!_

_Issy-bro. What can I do for you?_

_Out tonight?_

_Probably. Dare I ask this question... are you?_

_Yeeeeeeeeees!!!!!_

_Before I react appropriately with happy jumpy bro claps I just need to know. Are you being sponsored by the inventor of the exclamation mark?_

_Maaaaaaaybeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!_

_Hot damm I love you Is. Come to mine and Eva's asap and we'll hit the town._

_Love you too. !!!!! . !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. !!!!!_

Isak laughed out loud. He actually laughed at his stupid phone conversation with Jonas. Work had been going really well. Nina was blooming and Isak was actually beyond happy for her. In fact, for the first time in his life he was actually looking forward to holding a baby instead of being terrified that he would somehow accidentally break it.

He was happy and the only problem was that he was worried that Even was not happy too. He wished he knew where Even lived. What his phone number was. His email address. Anything. Although he could admit to himself that he thought Even would not give him that information even if he had thought to ask for it. When he had first started his job he had over heard Nina and one of the police officers talking about how not everyone can be saved. How not everyone wanted to be saved. He hoped that Even could be saved. He hoped that Even wanted to be saved. 

It was with some effort that Isak pushed his thoughts of Even to one side and left his flat, hopping on to a tram and crossing a little way across Oslo to get to where Jonas and Eva lived. They welcomed him in warmth, with good natured ribbing about his ongoing trainee status and with a enough drinks to get the night off to a good start. 

"So," Eva said, putting her third empty wine glass down. "Time to hit the clubs I think gentlemen!"

"Gentlemen?" Isak said, looking to Jonas.

"Yeah, I don't think I see any gentlemen around here," Jonas said. 

"Eurgh," Eva groaned. "I'll just have to make do with you pair instead then. Honestly, the things I put up with just to have a night out." She stood up from her position on the floor by the coffee table and made her way to the toilet, shouting at them to order a cab while she was gone. 

"Man look at you!" Isak said, elbowing Jonas as soon as he heard the toilet door shut. 

"Huh?"

"Just propose already dude!" Isak said. "You've been looking at her like a love sick puppy all night. And, you know, for the last seven years."

"I will, I will!" Jonas said. "Just need to work up to it. And get a ring. Shit. A ring. You'll help right?"

"You know I will," Isak said, pulling Jonas up off the couch and into a hug. "Now go get that cab ordered or she'll probably say no."

Isak pulled out his phone while Jonas used his to order their cab, and used the time constructively to send Jonas as many messages consisting of exclamation marks as he could in the time it took for the phone call to happen. He was rewarded with a poorly aimed tackle from Jonas and some spectacular name calling from Eva as they made their way out on to the street and into their cab, telling the driver the name of the nearest club that they could think of. 

It was a loud club, it had a bar. It contained the two basic ingredients that Isak needed to try to damp down his nerves about Even and where he might be. Who he might be with. What he might be doing. What might be being done to him. That particular thought made Isak shudder. He downed the last of his bottle of beer and pushed away from his friends, mouthing over the music that he was going outside for some air and would be back. At the door to the club he held out his hand to get it stamped so that he could get back in without being charged again, then walked a few metres away and took in a few breaths of cold and quiet night air in. Let himself calm down his thoughts a little. And if he was being totally honest he let himself look around in the vain hope of seeing Even somehow materialise in front of him. And when that small miracle failed to appear he sighed, pushed away from the wall and wobbled slightly as he made his way back to the club, the cold and the alcohol in his system ganging up on him. 

No sooner had he got ten feet back into the club than Jonas was crowding up to him, shouting something in his ear. 

"I can't hear you," he yelled back. Jonas looked somewhere between urgent and overexcited. "Try again!"

"I said," Jonas yelled, leaning in and cupping a hand around Isak's ear. "Your blonde hipster elvis is here!"

Isak pulled back like he had touched a live wire. He turned around in every direction, trying and failing to spot Even until Jonas grabbed his face and pointed it in the direction of Even. 

Even who was stood on his own and looking directly at him. 

Isak pushed away from Jonas and walked to Even, not giving himself any time to think or question his actions. He took Even by the wrist and walked him to the toilets where he knew it would be quiet enough to talk and not yell at each other.

"Even," he said, pushing himself into Even's space. "How are you here? How!?"

"I've been out looking for you," Even said. "I've tried everywhere. Do you think I'm crazy Isak? Im not. I promise."

"I don't think you're crazy," Isak said. 

"I snuck out," Even smiled at him. 

"From where?" Isak asked, shuffling closer still. 

"The flat," Even said. "Can I ask you a question please?" Isak nodded at him. "Do you think my lips are nice?" Isak nodded again, mute and looking at Even's mouth. 

"I think they are," Isak whispered, finding his words. 

"What do you think they would be good at?" Even asked, leaving into Isak, bringing their faces close enough that Isak could feel his breath. 

"I think they'd be good at talking," Isak said. "I think they'd be good at smiling and at laughing. I think they'd be good at kissing."

Isak reached up a hand between them, his fingers moving up to Even's mouth. He expects to touch Even's lips. He expects his finger tips to meet warmth, maybe a little spit slick, maybe dry and chapped. He expects to find out in the most wonderful way. He definitely does not expect the sharp grip of someone else's hand around his wrist. He doesn't expect the snapping back of his arm and the white hot streak of pain that runs up it. He doesn't even see the fist that connects with the side of his face. Doesn't see Even panic. Doesn't see Jonas run in yelling Isak's name and tackling his attacker to the ground. Doesn't hear Eva screaming at them all. 

He doesn't realise until he's being told it in the emergency department that he has a broken arm. That he has a hair line fracture to his jaw. That his face is bruised and swollen. That he should report this to the police. That they can help him to and that his friends are waiting to take him home if not. Isak tells them to let him go home, that Jonas and Eva will take him. 

When he woke the next day he was in pain. In so much damn pain that he instantly hauled himself out of bed to swallow down the most amount of painkillers that the doctors told him he could have. He ached and throbbed his way to work on the tram, each bump and nudge shooting pain up and down his arm, and around his face. When he finally hauled himself through the door and behind the reception hatch he was feeling sick and dizzy. He barely heard Nina getting up as fast as her bump would let her, a horrified gasp leaving her mouth. 

"Isak!" she whispered, stroking at his hair and getting awkwardly on her knees to look at him where he had all but collapsed at his desk. "Sweetheart look at me, please."

Isak raised his head to look at her and just let the tears flow over, the tears that had wanted to fall since the night before. 

"What happened?" She asked. Isak took a breath in, let it out, wondered what he could possibly say. He was tired. He was hurting. He was ninety nine percent sure that he had almost sent Nina into early labour when he had showed up. 

He told her everything.


	11. Chapter 11

Even had had enough. He was completely done. He had made up his mind and no one, not even Finn, was going to stop him. 

He was going to go to the police station. That part would take the longest. There would be a lot to explain but time was hardly an issue. Not now. Not with his mind made up. This would ensure that Isak got answers. That Isak got retribution. Because that was literally all that mattered right now. Isak. Not Finn, because fuck Finn. And not Even himself. Because he would go down fighting when it came to Isak and in going to the police, he would take Finn down too. Take him down before he took himself down. 

When Finn had yanked him out of the club that night and away from Isak, Even's heart had finally broken. Finn wasn't good. Finn wasn't right. Finn hurt everyone and everything that he came into contact with. 

But worst of all was that Even knew that he himself was toxic too. Everything about Finn had leached into him and now he was hurting people too. He had hurt his parents. He had hurt his friends. He had hurt himself. But more than any of that he had hurt Isak. Just by being on the very periphery of Isak's, Even had caused so much pain. He had left him broken and bruised and bleeding on a toilet floor. 

Isak deserved so much better. And once Even had sorted that out he could finally get rid of himself once and for all. And then everyone could stop hurting.

Even had worked on his idea, keeping his head down for two days as Finn raged and paced, as Finn swung from blaming him to blaming Isak. As Finn called him and Isak every name under the sun. For two whole days he had barely moved. Barely eaten. And that didn't truly matter to him now anyway. Even found an odd sense of peace for himself. Finn's words and Finn's hands and Finn's actions barely scratched the surface because Even had a way out. What he couldn't bear at all was knowing that Isak had been hurt. 

He had waited out for forty eight hours, he had upped and left when Finn had gone to the toilet. It had been as painfully simple as that, but only because he had no intention of going back. Of going anywhere other than the police station and then to the bridge that he had carefully picked out on the map app he had on his phone. Just high enough. Just the right amount of fast flowing water beneath it. Just isolated enough to not be interrupted. So when, in the middle of the night Finn had got out of bed and gone to the toilet, Even had got up and left, stopping only to grab a small bag that he had stashed under the bed with shoes and clothes to change into once he had got far enough away from the flat. 

He had run. The second he was out of the flat he had run and run, he had put as much distance between himself and Finn as quickly as he could before he stopped to dig through his little bag and put on his clothes. He put them over the pyjamas he had on, too cold in the night air to think about actually changing. He pushed his bare, aching, cut up feet into the shoes. At least they wouldn't have to hurt for very long. Satisfied that he wouldn't freeze during the night, that he would be alive long enough to give Isak the closure he deserved, Even slowed down. He hoped with all of his shattered heart that Isak wasn't too broken to go to work. He was selfish. Finn had always said as much. But it was true. He was. He wanted to talk to Isak before it was too late. He had to see him just once more. 

Even waited. Just out of sight of the police station. With just enough of a view to see the front entrance. Even waited. The barest creep of daylight began to bring commuters out on to the street so he hunched down into himself and watched, teeth chattering but feeling more calm than he had in a very long time.

His heart leapt when he finally saw Isak. Finally, finally something was going right. Even scrambled to his feet, fingernails scratching on the pavement in his hurry to push his semi frozen body into motion. He was running towards Isak, his legs doing what his mind was only just catching up on. But he could see it now. Isak was moving slowly. Isak was bruised. Isak's face was partly obscured by barely even healing bruises. Even made himself stop, further away than his heart was comfortable with, and forced himself to walk to Isak. 

"Oh my God you're ok," Isak said, taking Even by surprise, speaking first and stealing Even's breath. Isak should hate him. It was Even's fault that he was in so much pain, that he had been broken and bruised. For reasons that Even couldn't grasp, Isak sounded relieved as he hurried as quickly as he could up to, in to Even's space. He stood, stuck dumb as Isak raised his hands up to Even's face, his finger tips fluttering in the air mere centimetres from his skin before he let them drop back to his side. 

"Even, I have to know," Isak said. "I need to know." 

"I'll tell you," Even said. "Whatever it is, I'll tell you." Except for that, Even thought. He wouldn't put that on Isak. What he intended to do later in the day was not something to burden Isak with.

"He hurts you doesn't he?" Isak said more than he asked. Even nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor. Then to Isak's hand, his other bound up and healing out of sight. He let himself reach out and brush Isak's fingers with the barest hint of his fingertips. 

"I hate him," Isak whispered, watching Even's fingers touch each of his knuckles. "I hate him so much. I hate what he does to you. Please don't tell me you love him. Please."

Even let his fingers carry on exploring the back of Isak's hand as he shook his head. 

"I don't love him," he said. "I need to make things right. This, what he did to you. What he's done to me. I can do that Isak. I can make those bits ok. I think I can."

"I'll come with you then," Isak said, lacing his fingers together with Even's, and Even letting him. Letting himself feel that, a memory to carry away with him. He let Isak gently pull at him until they crossed over the threshold into the reception of the police station. He let go when Isak went behind the desk to leave his phone and wallet there. He twisted his fingers over on themselves, listening to the muted sounds of Isak and a woman talking behind the reception hatch.

He lost track of what was happening when Isak came back out, letting him grasp at his hand as a woman peered out of the hatch then disappeared only to reappear in front of him, pregnant and shocked and saying Even, Even, Even over and over again. He could hear his name. He could feel Isak's hand. He felt hot and dizzy until the door opened and a cold blast of winter air rolled over him, grabbing his attention and making him look up. His name, his name was everywhere. He heard it. A woman's voice whispered it, then screamed it. He had lost track of everything. It didn't sound like the pregnant woman's voice anymore. It sounded different. It sounded right. 

Even dropped to his knees, his legs gave way and he fell, pulling Isak down with him as he crumpled. Isak, who went with him despite how much it must have hurt him. When Even fell, he was there alongside him. He clung to Isak's hand as the world closed in, as his vision blackened at the edges. As he curled in on himself and covered his head with his arms and cried and cried and cried. 

He felt arms around him. 

"Even," he heard his name again, that beautiful voice, up close to his ear, arms holding him tightly. "Even my beautiful boy, my beautiful boy, Even. Oh my beautiful boy."

Even passed out with Isak's hand in his. Even passed out being rocked and held by his mother and father.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff fluffity fluff.
> 
> Also featuring...
> 
> Sweet gentle boys and actual-angel-au-Isak

It had been two weeks. 

Two weeks since Isak had seen Even. Two weeks since they had walked hand in hand into the police station. Two weeks since Mr and Mrs Bech Næsheim had come down to the station in their state of perpetual hope and no expectation only to find their son stood there looking right at them, holding on to the hand of a broken and battered man that they had never seen before. 

Two weeks since Isak had learned that Even was the bravest person he had ever met. And he ached with that knowledge. Ached to see him again.

He didn't know where Even was now, but he had to assume that he was safe. No one would tell him anything even if he had asked. It was confidential. And Isak intended on giving Even the respect he was due by not even trying to find out, no matter how much that hurt. He had watched him and his parents leave in an ambulance followed by their officer in a police car. He had seen the officer come back. And then he had watched Nina tighten her grip on her bump, wince, and tell him that she was going into labour. 

He had watched her go too, her husband coming to get her and driving them both away to the hospital. Presumably the same one Even had been taken to. 

One life on the way, another hopefully being pieced back together.

He was healing slowly but surely too. The bruises on his face were turning brown and yellow, less horrifying than the purple and green that they had been. He was able to chew again without it feeling like his jaw would explode with the pain if it. And his arm had stopped throbbing and pulsing with pain and had begun on the sharp feeling that accompanied the next stage of its healing. He could admit quite freely that his confidence had taken a bashing along with his face and arm but with Even reunited with his parents, and Jonas and Eva checking in on him, he was starting to feel better. 

The vast majority of front desk responsibilities had fallen to him since Nina had left, the temp working with him being only part time. Isak felt like that was helping him too. He was facing the public and doing his job. He was keeping busy and occupied and less nervous. 

He just wished he knew how Even was.

Isak was getting quicker at getting ready in the morning for work now that he was acclimatising to to only being able to use one arm. Still, a night spent with Eva at hers and Jonas' flat while Jonas was away visiting relatives meant that she had insisted on dressing him. 

"I can't sit here and watch you struggle Issy," she said. 

"You don't have to watch at all!" Isak had laughed at her. 

"Just let me do this yeah?" Eva had smiled at him. Just a small smile, and Isak had taken it and let it warm him. He let her fuss around him and adjust his clothes so that he would be comfortable. He leant into the hug that she gently gave him before he left.

"I'm ok Eva," Isak whispered into her neck while she held on to him. 

"I know," she said, pushing him gently back to look him over. "I just can't get seeing you like that out of my head. So I figured I'd try to hug it away."

"And how's that working out for you?" Isak said, smiling at her logic.

"It's getting there," Eva said. "But I feel like you should be getting hugs from Even, not me."

"Eva, I love you but on this occasion I'm going to have to agree with you," Isak said. "But I don't know where he is. I don't even know how he is. We always just kind of kept meeting by mistake."

"I'll be keeping everything crossed that you accidentally meet again soon then," Eva said with a smile as she proceeded to turn him on the spot and move him out of the flat. 

Isak's day passed by without incident but with a large number of photos of Nina's baby pinging through on his phone. He smiled as he scrolled them, sending back heart emojis and love to them all. Despite just becoming a mother for the first time, Nina interspersed her messages with worry for Isak, with hopes that he was feeling better, with apologies for being there with him. It all contributed to his increasing sense of well being. 

He sent the temp off for lunch and opted to take his at the hatch when he heard his name being quietly spoken. 

"Um, Isak?"

"Yes?" Isak said, looking up and jumping instantly out of his seat. "Oh! Mrs Bech Næsheim! Are you... is Even... oh my God please, is Even ok?"

"Yes!" Mrs Bech Næsheim said quietly nervously ringing her hands. "I'm sorry, I shocked you. He's fine. Well, you know. As fine as he can be right now. Long road and all that."

"Good, good," Isak said. "Do you need me to fetch your officer? Is there anything I can help with?" In his head Isak couldn't help but think 'can you tell him I miss him' but he knew it wasn't his place to put that on Mrs Bech Næsheim's shoulders.

"Actually I was hoping there was something you could do. Or rather Even was hoping," she paused and reached a hand out to lay it on top of his free hand. "I know what happened to you. You're a good person. Even desperately wants to see you but he's so ashamed of himself. He can't help it you see. The shame. It eats at him. But I know he wants to see you. So I was wondering if you would come to the house after your shift finishes? He's home now, they don't need to keep him in anymore. Not right now."

Isak turned his hand over and took hold of hers in a gentle grip. 

"I would love to come and see him," he said.

By the time isak's shift finished, he had checked his route to Even's house at least five times on his phone just be on the safe side. He had taken his mother's phone number in case he couldn't find it, so that they wouldn't think he had just decided not to show up. He walked the route rather than taking the tram so that he didn't risk missing the stop. It took him twenty minutes to get there in the end but there he stood, in the hallway taking his shoes and coat off while Mrs Bech Næsheim looked like she wanted to hug him and Mr Bech Næsheim kept thanking him quietly and profusely.

"Even's is the second door on the right as you go up," she said, holding onto Isak's hand again, guiding him to the bottom of the staircase. "I'll not go up with you, I don't think Even would appreciate it." She smiled and Isak gently let go of her hand and climbed the stairs. He hesitated briefly outside Even's door before lightly knocking and pushing it open, stepping in and closing it again.

"Hi," Isak whispered. Even's bedside light cast a small soft glow across the room, the barest hint of warm illumination showing where Even was curled up in his bed. He had his eyes shut but opened them the instant Isak spoke. Isak watched as Even's eyes filled with tears, as he whimpered a small sob out. Isak couldn't bear it. It wasn't fair that Even should feel even mildly ashamed. He simply could not bear to stand on the other side of the room to him. 

Isak hurried to the bed, through scattered clothes and pieces of paper. He rushed to be near to Even, rushed to press his hand to Even's flushed cheek. Rushed to replace his hand with his cheek and pressed their faces together, breathing Even in. His skin, his hair, his everything.

"Isak I'm broken," Even whispered so quietly that Isak almost missed it. He pulled back to look at him, placing his hand back on his cheek. "And now because I'm broken, you're broken too. I did this."

"No," Isak said, quietly but certainly. 

"When things go to shit my brain tells me to take the most permanent way out," Even said. "My parents can't stop me. I can't stop me. The doctors can't stop me. Isak I can't be saved." Isak bent down to press his forehead to Even's. 

"I don't know the first thing about saving people," Isak said. "But what I do know is that you're still here. So something about you keeps saving itself. And that's worth so fucking much." He shifted up, careful to mind his bad arm, and used his body to leverage Even across, making room for himself next to him. 

Even's eyes fluttered shut as Isak lay with him, taking his time to stroke his eyelids, the shell of one ear, his hair and his lips. Isak lost track of how long he had been there for, just stroking and listening to Even's breathing slowing and calming. 

"One day," Isak whispered. "I am going to love you so damn much."

"I can't wait," Even whispered back, eyes still closed making Isak smile. He had thought he had been asleep but he had no regrets about what he had just said. Not a hint of embarrassment. "I promise I'll get there with you one day."

"I know you will," Isak murmured, letting himself have the luxury of pressing a kiss into Even's hair before shutting his own eyes and letting his breathing relax too.


	13. Chapter 13

The wheels of greater justice turned slowly. In the two weeks after Finn's attack on Isak, whilst Even tried to survive and Isak tried to heal, Isak had also gone upstairs at the police station and filed an official complaint against Finn. He had crept nervously to Even's room on that night, welcomed as ever by Even's mum and dad, to tell him what he had done. 

Even had sat, cross legged on his bed and reached out to take Isak's hand in a firm grip. Reached out to pull him down to the bed. Reached out to slide his other hand around the back of Isak's neck and pull him to his chest to whisper his thanks over and over. He couldn't think of anything more urgent than the need to stop Isak panicking about having to talk about Even while he had been with the police officer. 

Even had taken longer to get there. He had been terrified of dragging everything out in to the light. Of having to see all of his mistakes stark and presented in front of him. But three weeks after Isak had found his courage, Even also found his. 

Their cases were intertwined but Finn would be brought to account on then separately. It was more for him to answer to. More to account for. More for him to be convicted of. Even's parents were supporting him through a new round of therapy on the days that he felt that he needed it, and he was working on being ready for if he needed to testify face to face against Finn. He had been weak in front of him too many times. He wanted to draw a firm line under it. 

And so, three months later they were still waiting but much more comfortably than before. The main difference was that for the first time, Even was stood in Isak's flat, having arrived ready to be his plus one to Nina's baby's naming ceremony. When Isak went to the toilet ready to leave, Even stood alone in Isak's sitting room and stared at the wall behind the sofa. The largest wall in the room. And it was displaying his broken canvas in pride of place, looking out across Isak's personal space. The strangest thing to Even was that it actually looked alright there. It didn't look out of place. It's bent sides and the patches where the mud had dried and flaked off looked at home there in a way that he knew they never would have in Finn's flat. 

Even turned when he felt more than heard Isak come back into the room. 

"You were right," he said. "You did have somewhere to put it."

"Of course I did," Isak said, taking hold of Even's hand in his. "There was no way I was going to let you throw that away. No way. I had to tape up the back, just to keep it strong but it's basically perfect."

Even smiled a real, honest, happy smile. He felt his cheeks ache with it which made him laugh, which made Isak laugh with him. He took hold of Isak's other hand and held on. Pressed their forehead together. Whispered his thanks for taking such care of his canvas. Whispered that they should probably get going. Already felt like Isak was too far away when he agreed and turned to leave.

As soon as they got on the tram, Isak picked Even's hand back up again and held on. Even felt practically drowned in endorphins and adrenaline and anything else that had to do with the smile on his face and the flush across his cheeks. They held hands for the entire tram ride, only letting go when Isak needed to consult his phone at their stop for walking directions the rest of the way.

"Ok," Isak said, turning a small circle in front of Even. "This way." Even followed the direction of his pointed finger. They strolled along together, the spring weather just warm enough to not need jackets. Even worked on letting the warmth and the closeness of Isak his nerves at being out of the house so publicly. His nerves at seeing Nina again, the last time being him collapsed on the floor of the police station. He squeezed Isak's hand in search of reassurance and found it in the returning squeeze that he received. It made him feel better as they walked up to Nina's front door, the sounds of laughter floating out from within. 

The door swung open revealing Nina and her baby, both looking simply beautiful. There was no other word that Even thought could cover it. He stepped back a little as Nina caught Isak up in a one armed hug, kissing him on the cheek and thrusting her baby into his arms. He barely had time to laugh at Isak's horrified expression before he was caught up by her too.

"You look amazing Even," she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek as well. "May I formally introduce you both to Thomas!" She swept her arm at Isak and baby Thomas who was gurgling quite comfortably while Isak looked caught halfway between petrified and amazed. 

"I've been desperate to make him hold him," she stage whispered at Even. "And now his arm is free I finally get to. Come in boys!" She called, stepping back into the house whilst they followed her.

"He's the first baby I've ever held," Even heard Isak whisper to him. "I've always been the youngest in my family, not even cousins or anything after me."

"I think you're doing wonderfully," Even said. 

It wasn't long before the baby was whisked away by more people desperate for cuddles before he got grumpy and started to cry. Even took the opportunity to claim Isak back so that they could make the best of the amazing looking buffet that Nina and her husband had prepared. They ate until they were full, making small talk with strangers. Even found that it came easier to him than he remembered from back before Finn had taken control of his life. Everything was easier now that he had his parents again. Had his life again. Had his Isak. 

His Isak. 

It hit him like slamming into a brick wall. He glanced around and found the back door, just cracked open to let the air in but not enough to have enticed anyone else outside. Looking to Isak, Even pressed his cheek to Isak's and asked him to go outside with him. Asked him to listen to him because there was something that he really wanted to give to him. He watched Isak's brow furrow a little until Even took the initiative and pulled him out of the house and into the calm of the back garden. 

"What..." Even cut off Isak's question before it truly began. He pressed his forehead to Isak's. He nudged his nose with his own, revelling in the way Isak's eyelids fluttered and closed before opening again. 

"Even," Isak whispered, so quiet, so very very quiet. "This is ok isn't it? I want this so much. But please be ok, please move at the right speed for you." Even listenened to the shuddering breath that Isak released when he had spotted speaking. 

"I have no idea what speed to move at," Even breathed out. "But waiting even one more day to kiss you just isn't an option."

Even felt another shudder of breath ghost across his face as he lifted his hands to cup Isak's cheeks. To brush his thumbs across his skin. To meet their lips softly, finally, warmly and gently. Even felt the soft give of Isak's mouth under his own, felt the parting of his lips as he pressed forward with his tongue. Let the tip of it lap just slightly at seam of Isak's mouth. He whimpered at the back of his throat when Isak's tongue met his own, sweeping across, taking and teasing and giving. 

By mutual instinct they parted just enough to pant warm breaths over each other's lips. 

"I can't promise you I'll always be stable," Even whispered, still holding Isak's face in his hands. Still rubbing at his cheeks, still pressing little kisses to the corners of his lips, his cupid's bow, his nose. 

"All I want is to know when you feel that way," Isak whispered. "That's all. We're not alone with this, you and me. We have so much going for us."

"Can I tell you something?" Even asked. He watched Isak nod, eyes closed and face flushed. Lips kiss-pink. "I knew you were right for me when you answered my question about what my lips would be good for. You told me things like talking and laughing before kissing. You thought of all the things that make me a person before you thought of anything else. There was no way I could recover from that."

Even watched entranced by Isak as he smiled and pulled him closer. As his lips coaxed kiss after kiss out of him. As his tongue worked on his own, lapping and stroking. 

"Could we go back to your flat?" Even asked, pulling away slightly. 

"Always," Isak said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A touch of angsty comforting scene setting. 
> 
> I know nothing about the Norwegian justice system. Please suspend all disbelief before entering!!!

As more weeks rolled by Isak couldn't help but wonder if he and Even would ever get the chance to see Finn brought to account for his actions. He was beyond grateful for what he and Even were building together, for the way in which they were pushing forward, for the people who were supporting them every step of the way. But it felt like there was a piece missing and that they needed that to fall into place for them to get where they were really going. 

He and Even, along with Even's parents, had developed something of a routine over time. Isak was able to finish an hour earlier on Friday's so Friday evenings had become the time when they would all gather around the Bech Næsheim dining table and enjoy a warm, wholesome and happy home cooked meal together. He had stopped on the way to pick up some flowers for Even's mum so he was a little later than normal. So it hardly surprised him when the door opened swiftly and within a second of him knocking on it.

"Isak," Even's dad said quietly, low. A little off kilter somehow. Something in the tone made him frown. "Come on in." Mr Bech Næsheim stepped back and let Isak into the hall where he took his shoes off awkwardly, balancing on one foot at a time whilst still clutching the flowers. 

"I brought these for..." Isak stopped himself as he motioned to the flowers. "Um... where is everyone?"

He realised suddenly that there was silence. Not the usual warmth of voices and laughter. Not the clinking of glasses and tableware. Not the smell of food wafting out from the kitchen.

"This came today," the flowers were taken from Isak's hand, replaced by a letter. He unfolded it and read it top to bottom. Every word. Felt his frame slump a little as he took it in. 

Finn was going to trial. It was happening. 

Even was required to testify against him. 

Even alone and facing Finn.

Isak gripped the letter, crumpling its edges in his overly tight grip on it. His hand felt shaky. Sweaty. He knew that he couldn't save Even. He never could. He never tried to. But if he could have spared him this then he would have given anything to do so.

"Oh thank God, you're here," Isak turned at the sound of Even's mum coming down the stairs. It was clear that she had been crying, eyes red and puffy. She took the letter from his trembling hand and pulled him into a hug which he clung to unashamedly. 

"Please go to my boy," she said. He didn't need to asked twice. He was up the stairs as fast as his legs could carry him, crashing his way unceremoniously into Even's room and, finding Even hugging himself in a tight little ball of overly long limbs on the floor, surrounded him with his body. Pressed his kisses to anywhere that his lips could reach from where he was clinging to Even. 

"I want this," Even whispered. "But I don't want it." He uncurled himself in a rush, turned to push himself chest to chest with Isak on the floor, on their sides. So fast that Isak didn't even get a look at his face.

Isak stroked at his hair, over and over, matching the rhythm to the sounds of Even's breathing until it calmed down, until his stroking slowed with it.

"Can I help you into bed?" Isak asked. He recieved a small nod in response so he gently unlatched himself from Even and pulled him up off the floor, moving their bodies together so that Even wouldn't need to feel space between them while he lay them down. 

"Here," Isak whispered so so softly. "Here, let me do this." He tipped Even's chin up just so with his fingertips and joined their lips achingly slowly. He shifted his palm to Even's cheek, pressed his reassurance of his presence into his skin. Promised his support with his lips, his tongue, his gentle unwavering pressure of lips and hands, until Even sighed and pulled back to look at him. 

"You, Isak," Even murmured, bringing a hand up to touch Isak's face, to swipe his thumb across his eyelids, causing flutters not just there but everywhere. In his heart. Everywhere. 

"Me?" Isak asked, breathy, hushed. 

"You."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, suspend all Norwegian legal system disbelief!!!

Even felt restless enough to vibrate out of his own skin. Which was crawling. Crawling with the idea that he would finally have to face Finn. That he would have to talk about all of the things that he had been through, all of the damage that he and his loved ones were still trying to fix. His brain was constantly caught up on a fine line between knowing that he had asked Finn to stop but also believing that he had never done enough to help himself. It was a knife edged balancing act that his therapist was trying to correct. 

He had gone out with Isak in the week leading up to the trial to buy a new suit with money given to him from his parents. Isak had suggested that they go as far out of town as they could to a shop that they would never have to use again. Even valued his therapist beyond all belief, but nothing brought his brain as much peace and pleasure as Isak did. Isak with his kind words, clever ideas, and happy kisses. But now he was standing in the waiting of the courthouse trying not to look like he was shaking and preparing to look Finn in the eye and try not to collapse entirely. 

He had no parents with him. They were waiting in the courtroom. He had no Isak with him. He was waiting in the courtroom too. They had all stayed in one group as long as they could but eventually he had to stand on his own two feet and hope that he could remember all of the advice that his lawyer had given him. 

"Mr Bech Næsheim," a lady said, breaking through his internal panic and external sweating and trembling. "They're ready for you now." She looked kind. Her hair was the same shade as Isak's. He took that as a sign and gathered every scrap of his courage as he followed her into the courtroom. The walk felt ten miles long. His shoes sounded too loud on the floor. The weight of everyone's stare as he took his seat was too heavy. The screaming in his head was too high pitched. He wanted to scream, cry, run. But just winning out was what he wanted more. To make Finn pay. He let his eyes meet Isak's across the room. His beautiful, gentle, perfect Isak. He looked ashen sitting with Nina to one side of him, Jonas and Eva to the other. Isak's hands were hidden where Even couldn't see them but he hoped that Nina and Jonas were holding them. He thought they probably were. In the row in front of them were his parents, his mother resting her head on his father's shoulder, her eyes shut, looking for all the world like she was praying for a miracle. His father was looking at Finn. 

The first part wasn't too bad. His own lawyer spoke with him first. He had been well versed in what to say, what not to say, what emotion to show, how not to tie himself in knots with words. And to Even's relief it seemed to work. Isak looked less grey. His mother had opened her eyes and was watching him. He knew though, he knew that Finn's lawyer was waiting, watching him and ready to pounce. So when his lawyer finally thanked him for his answers and sat down, Finn's lawyer was up in an instant. It was everything that Even's nightmares were made up of. He knew, he had been told, that they would try to trap him with his words. That he must stick to the truth. That he was right and Finn was wrong. The very idea that someone was willing to take money to try to get Finn off made Even sick to his stomach. 

Finn's lawyer paced and moved constantly. Even had been briefed on this. It was a move calculated to disorientate him. To keep his brain focusing on the physical movements in front of him as opposed to the questions being asked. Worst of all, it was working. Even felt lost, cut adrift. Isak was actually crying. His mother couldn't even look up. His father still watched Finn. And Even was falling to pieces in front of everyone. Everything that could be used against him was. Finn's lawyer was arguing that Even had never said no, that he wanted Finn, that he had always done everything he could to keep Finn happy. That somehow a camera ending up at the bottom of Oslo fjord was his own fault. That Finn had looked for him the night he had rescued his canvas. That Finn genuinely hadn't heard the buzzer to the flat. That his bipolar disorder was hard on Finn. That Finn worried constantly for him and never knew how stable he was. By the end, all Even could manage was to mumble that it wasn't like that, that it was wrong. He wrung his hands and was told to speak up. But all he could manage was more of the same. He hated Finn. He hated Finn's lawyer. He hated his brain. 

He loved Isak. 

That burst of light brought warmth with it. He loved Isak. He loved Isak. He loved Isak. 

He had his family back. His mum. His dad. He loved his parents. 

He had Isak. He loved Isak. 

Even let himself focus on that. On the love that filled the places where Finn's bile had invaded for so long. He was vaguely aware of being told that he could step down. He had a notion that the same kind lady who had brought him into the courtroom also took him back out. He knew that he was in the waiting room when his mother and father came to him and wrapped him up in love and hugs and kisses. In coffee and slightly stale canteen sandwiches. And then through it all, standing back and giving them space was Isak. Even saw him through the crowded press of his parents in front of him, and he hardly nudged them aside. He supposed that they must have left the room at some point because by the time he was on his feet and walking towards Isak, they were in the room alone. Just them. Just Even and Isak. Isak and Even. Isak looking down at his feet and so so very sad that Even thought his heart would explode. 

"I'm so sorry," Isak whispered as Even finally made it across the room to hold him in his arms. "I thought I knew. I had no idea. No idea."

"Isak," Even muttered. "Isak, look at me. Look. What you do and don't know, that's not the thing is it. What matters is that you are here. And I am here. And you're everywhere that I am." 

"I need to tell you something," Isak whispered.

"Anything,"

"I saw you the day with the camera," Isak said. Even heard the shuddering breath that Isak heaved in. "Me and Jonas were in a cafe a little bit away and at first I thought what I was watching looked so romantic. And Jonas was making fun of me for staring at you. And then I saw him throw the camera and we both thought it was going to be a bit of a frosty night for you two." Isak paused and risked a glance at Even. "I had no idea. I wish I'd come over. I wish I'd done something."

Even listened patiently to Isak. Listened to him beating himself up for something that he could never have known about. Something that he wasn't even involved in at the time. He held Isak's face in his hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. 

"If you had been meant to come over then, you would have," Even ghosted the words over Isak's mouth. "All that matters to me is what you have been to me since we finally did meet. You have to know Isak. Surely you have to know that I love you. I love so much."

"I love you too," Isak said, hiccuping over a sob that got caught up with the words. "I love you Even. You're the most amazing person I will ever know. I love you. I love you."

Even wrapped himself around Isak. Held him tightly. Pressed himself to him like Isak had done for him so many times. He held on until the knock came at the door for them to go back in to hear the sentencing. All at once Even started to shake again. He felt weak in the face of it. But he felt strengthened by Isak's love. By his familys love. By the old life that he'd lost coming back and the new one he was carving coming in to its own. Reluctantly, Even parted from Isak and was taken back to the courtroom, where he stood as did everyone else upon the judge entering the room. 

When they were all seated, and the correct formalities had been observed, the judge spoke. 

"Finn Halvorsen. It will be scant comfort to the young man that you systematically abused over a number of years to know that the legal system forbids me from handing you the severe sentence that I would rather have given you. I believe that he deserves better redress, although sadly, my hands are tied. 

It takes a courage that you are entirely alien to, to stand up to you today. To tell you and everyone else in this room what you did to him. You took someone at their most vulnerable and turned their honesty and trust into a being of your own selfish desire. And yet still you remained unsatisfied. 

Any amount of abuse is too much. Any type of abuse is abhorrent. In sentencing you today, I only wish that I could do more to reflect this. 

Within the confines that I must now work, I sentence you to two years imprisonment with one hundred and fifty hours of community service to be fulfilled upon your release. You are ordered to pay 10000 kr to Mr Even Bech Næsheim and 5000 kr to Mr Isak Valtersen. You are ordered to attend compulsory rehabilitation. I trust that you will use these next two years to think seriously upon your character, and upon the sort of man that you want to be. For myself, I find you seriously wanting."

The slamming of the judge's gavel reverberated through Even's head. It was done. It was over. Finn was going away for two years. The entire room seemed to sag with a relief that the breath it had been holding could be released. Somewhere to the side Even registered Finn folding in on himself, crying out in self pity. He let himself be guided out but he had no idea who by. He could feel hands on him, leading him, helping him, passing him a tissue. He closed his eyes and ears to the commotion around him and let the universe do what it did best. 

He let it carry him to Isak.


	16. Chapter 16

Isak was up on his feet the second that the hearing came to an end. Nina, Jonas and Eva were up and moving with him, all of them pushing him out of the courtroom and through crowds of people, down a corridor and out into the foyer. He looked around himself, up on tip toes for no sensible reason except that he was desperate to get to Even. Even who always stood out above a crowd. Even whose glorious height and glorious hair would always make him easy to spot.

Even who was a magnet anyway for Isak. 

Isak caught sight of him across the open space of the foyer, flanked by his parents, all three of them crying and making no attempt to stop it. The sight made him hesitate. He wanted nothing more than to hold on to Even and never let him go but seeing him there, stood between his mum and his dad exactly where he should have been for all those awful years wasted on Finn. It stopped him where he stood. It made him push his needs to one side and let Even be where he ought to be. To his side he felt Jonas nudge him gently with an elbow. 

"Got you your phone from security," Jonas said. "Reckon someone's probably given Even his back by now too."

"Best fucking bro ever dude," Isak said, his voice a little rough from trying not to cry. Jonas gave him a tight smile in return, one that was clearly acting as a dam that was just about holding everything back. 

Taking his phone back, Isak opened up his chat with Even and tapped a message out then sent it. 

Hey blonde hipster elvis. You look amazing btw. Wanted to tell you that. But what looks the best atm is you with your parents. I love that look on you. Please stay with them tonight. I can wait. I will always wait. Xxx

He watched as Even's dad looked briefly confused and then pulled Even's phone from his pocket and handed it over. Then he watched Even smile and read the message. Even looked up and around, finding Isak through the crowd and smiled, almost sagging with relief. It almost killed Isak that Even looked so grateful at being given the go ahead to spend time with his parents. It was another one of the many tangles in Even's life that he and his therapist would have to unravel while Isak stayed on the sidelines and watched and waited for the results. 

Isak looked at Even until they were both blushing. Until Nina had to interrupt his thoughts to tell him in his ear that her chest was about to explode and she needed to and get a baby on her within the next five minutes or there would be quite the mess to clean up. Until Jonas and Eva uttered the magic words 'kebab', 'beer's' and 'our place'. Until his phone buzzed and he read Even's reply. 

I won't keep you waiting long. Just for tonight. Just kiss me before you go. Promise?

"Hold every one of those delicious thoughts and wait right here," Isak said to Jonas and Eva. "I'm going to go kiss my boy."

"Yeah you are!" Eva teased at him with a shove as he moved away in Even's direction. Even and his parents were talking with their lawyer who had come over to find them, so when Isak reached them Even was able to mutter a quick apology to his mum and dad before ducking out from under their arms and letting Isak gather him up in his instead. 

"There's so much to say," Isak said, his words muffled by Even's neck where he had pressed his face to breathe him in. 

"Too much," Even agreed. "I don't even know where I should start." Isak pulled his face back away from Even's neck and moved to hold his face in his hands. 

"You should start wherever you need to," he said. "And it doesn't have to be with me. I want you to say what you want to say, and to whoever you want to say it to."

He watched Even flutter his eyelids shut, a deep sigh escaping from him, a sag of relief and tiredness settling over him. Isak thought he looked beautiful. 

"I'm going to go now," Isak whispered. He leaned in as Even was nodding, using the motion to nuzzle their noses together and followed it up with a firm press of his lips to Even's. When he drew back he gently nudged Even back into his parents arms and left with a promise to be with them in the morning. 

Isak spent the rest of his day with Jonas and Eva, zoned out and full of kebab washed down with three beers. It felt like enough. It felt like comfort and the past and it was wonderful. When Eva started to yawn as the day turned to evening, he was more than happy to take up her offer of staying on their couch for the night. Jonas got up when she did to see her off to bed and came back with arms full of pillows and blankets. He dropped them all on the floor, pulled his phone out of his pocket and sat down next to Isak. 

"I want your opinion," Jonas said. 

"Yes you do need a haircut," Isak said. 

"Oi!" Jonas elbowed him. "Don't be a dick. I'm being serious." Jonas shoved his phone into Isak's face. "Which one?"

Isak took the phone from him and moved it far enough away from his face so that he wasn't having to see double in the direct glare of a brightly lit screen. Two pictures side by side came into view. Glittering, perfect pictures. Isak took both images in, weighed it up in his mind, pictured how it would look in the flesh then pointed at the second one. 

"That one," he said with a decisive nod of his head. 

"You're sure? Like really really sure?"

"Positive,"

"I know my timing is really shitty," Jonas said. "You and Even have had so much going on and I don't want you to think that I'm just barging over the top of all of that. But seeing what you two go through just so you can be together... well it made my mind up for me. I love her so much and..." Jonas stopped when Isak smacked a palm over his mouth and held it there. 

"Ahhh, much nicer!" Isak said with a smile. "I might keep it like this." Jonas responded with an eye roll and licked Isak's palm, making him squeak and pull his hand back to wipe it dry on his trouser leg. 

"Ok ok I get it," Jonas laughed, stretching, standing up and taking his phone back. "I'm going to bed, got everything you need?"

"Yep," Isak said. "Got everything." He lay down on the couch and leaned over to drag pillows blankets up around himself as Jonas flipped the light switch on his way out. He made sure that his phone was on loud just in case Even or his parents needed to get in touch. He wasn't sure that sleep would come easily but no sooner had he closed his eyes than the overwhelming tiredness from the day rose up and dragged him quickly down into a dreamless sleep. 

He slept without so much as moving, waking in exactly the same position as he had fallen asleep in, comfortable and surrounded by blankets and pillows and the smell of pancakes was wafting its way in from the kitchen. Groaning his way to alertness, Isak dug himself out of his cocoon and shuffled to the kitchen, slumping down into a chair at the table as Eva placed a glass of orange juice in front of him. The appearance of her hand in front of him suddenly brought his conversation with Jonas the night before to the forefront of his mind. He sat bolt upright. 

"Wow," Eva laughed. "If I'd known that all it took to light a fire under your ass was a glass of orange juice I'd have given you one years ago!"

"Um, excuse me lady of my life," Jonas interrupted, drifting in trailing drops of water behind him, a towel around his waist. "Can we please not discuss you giving Isak one?"

"Eww!" Eva said, shoving Jonas. 

Isak was looking between the two of them, head turning one way and then the other like he was watching a tennis match. Jonas was going to propose and Isak was sat there like an idiot. 

"I need to go," he said, standing up suddenly before remembering to at least chug back the orange juice. He was still wearing yesterdays clothes, he would look like he was doing the walk of shame. He didn't care. Jonas and Eva needed to be alone so that Jonas could order the ring, or take her to buy it, or do whatever someone does when they propose. And Isak needed to be back with Even. Jonas looked torn between gratitude and sheer terror, Eva just looked shocked at Isak's sudden need to leave. 

"Everything ok Is?" she asked. "Honestly, are you ok?"

"Yeah!" Isak said, using his palms to try to flatten out the creases in his clothes. "Fine! Totally fine!" He was aware that he was getting more and more high pitched. 

"O...k?" Eva said as she watched him dash around finding his wallet, keys and phone. Jonas was quite obviously starting to laugh. 

"And just so you know," Isak said as he hopped up and down from one foot to the other, getting his shoes on finally. "If ever I let a woman give me one, I promise it'll be you." With that, Isak was out of the door and running down the steps to the ground floor, out into a bright morning and to the nearest tram stop. It was only when he was finally walking up to Even's front door that he realised that he hadn't so much as run his fingers through his hair and he certainly hadn't brushed his teeth. He was in the middle of running his forefinger over his teeth when Even's dad opened the door. 

"I doubt he'll mind," Mr Bech Næsheim said with a lightness that Isak had rarely seen from him before, and what he thought might just have been an innuendo. He was still just standing there with a finger stuck in his mouth and eyes wide when Even appeared behind his father and laughed at the sight. One of his honest to goodness, sunshine breaking through the clouds, eyes crinkling perfectly, laughs. 

"Good morning handsome," Even said, nudging past and out to Isak, taking hold of his wrist, pulling his finger from his mouth and replacing it with the gentle push of the tip of his tongue. Isak opened up to it easily, in synchronicity, and let his fingers find themselves twisting through Even's hair. 

"Jonas is going to ask Eva to marry him," Isak said, pulling back but keeping his fingers pulling gently on Even's hair. "I'm so fucking happy about so much right now." 

The feel of Even so close to him, the constant pressure of his body against his own, the zaps of something close to electricity through the lowest part of his tummy. The sheer unbridled joy at being with him. The taste of Even's tongue on his own. The love he felt. It was all so much, and his body was stirring with it all, responding to the flood of chemicals that were drowning him. 

He felt dizzy. 

A rush of blood to the head. An action.

A rush of blood further south. An equal and opposing reaction.

On the doorstep to his boyfriend's parents house, he was alight with feelings and wants and his brain feels soft. His body feels hard. He registers movement as he feet carry him wherever Even is pulling him. 

A hallway. Kisses. 

A door closing somewhere. TV noises. 

A door. Lips and hands. 

Another door. 

Isak was a mess. A love-drunk, kiss-wet mess. He let Even push him gently on to his bed, press him into the mattress with his hips, let the delicious friction of their bodies trade off against one another. He felt Even's hand feather down his chest, fingers sweeping up and under his shirt to tickle across his tummy then fumble with his belt, undoing it, the noise of buckle and leather spiking a rush of pleasure up through his core. He arched up into a kiss, back leaving the mattress as Even's hand dipped below his waist band to grip him firmly, move with his body's own undulating. He knew that he wouldn't last long, that everything over the past several months had twisted him and Even into such a state that this would be over almost as soon as it had started but he couldn't bring himself to care. He needed. He wanted. He kissed and grabbed and held, pushed and pulled and finished with a arched and trembling shudder, biting down on his moans, trying to stay quiet. 

Isak let his back relax him down on to the mattress again, gently drawing Even down with him, reaching for his belt in a daze until Even's hand stilled his own. 

"Not yet," Even whispered. "I just want to lie with you. Let it be my turn to wait."

Isak blinked up into Even's eyes, sleepy and sated, unwilling to let Even have to wait but knowing that he would do anything Even asked. He nodded, and Even pulled Isak's head down to press into his neck. 

Isak closed his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even's struggling a little. Slipping a little. Isak will be there to catch him.

One Year and Seven Months Later 

"Right, I'll see you later on then," Isak said, bending down to press a kiss to Even's lips where he sat on the couch before swatting his hands away from where they were trying to grab at his hips. 

"What!?" Even asked, trying and entirely failing to look innocent. 

"Jonas will kill me if I turn up looking crumpled," Isak said, swatting Even again once more for good measure. "And he'll revive me and do it all again if I'm late so you just keep your grabby hands to yourself young man."

"I have literally never wanted to crumple you more than I do right now," Even said. "You look like sin in that suit you know." 

Even watched with a feeling of warm satisfaction as the blush crept up Isak's face from under his collar. It looked beautiful. Isak always looked beautiful to him. He had a feeling that seeing Isak standing at the head of an aisle, waiting with Jonas for Eva to make her big entrance was probably going to make him fall even more in love. He had a feeling that he would start imagining what it would be like if it were him and Isak getting married. He had a feeling that that might become one of his go-to fantasies from that point on, heavily featuring Isak in his suit. And then Isak out of his suit. 

"You're making this harder than it needs to be!" Isak yelled from the hallway, rolling his eyes at Even's burst of laughter. 

"I'll do more than make it harder than it needs to be!" Even yelled back before standing up and going to Isak, drawing him in close and kissing him again. 

"Do you have your speech?" Even asked. Isak patted his pockets to check it was still there. 

"Got it," he said. 

"Don't look so nervous," Even said. "You're going to be the best best man ever, and you're going to do the best best man speech ever. And you're going to stop Jonas getting drunk if you want Eva to let you keep your dick intact."

"Right. Yes. Be best best man. Keep dick intact."

"That's it," Even said, cupping Isak's face gently and kissing him again. "Just those two things. Hardly anything at all!" Even gently turned Isak and nudged him towards the door. 

"Wish me luck," Isak said.

"You don't need it but good luck," Even said. "And I love you." Isak smiled at him and Even was pleased to see that beautiful flush creep up over Isak's face again. 

"I love you too," Isak said. "See you later!"

Even shut the door behind him and went back to the living room, tucking himself back up on the sofa and pulling a blanket around himself. He was sitting in his favourite spot, directly beneath his old canvas. It always made him feel better sitting there and knowing that Isak had loved it enough at first sight to give it a permanent home, unashamed of its bent and broken bits. It's stains. Being in this place with Isak made everything feel better, easier. But in less than half a year Even knew that Finn would be free again and it was picking away at his comfort and his peace of mind. 

All Isak asked of him was to know when he felt bad. He had told him what Isak already knew. That Finns release date was approaching. That it made him restless and nervous. That it brought back things that he had hoped had been cured instead of merely pushed to one side for a while. Even had so desperately wanted to go to Jonas and Eva's wedding but the thought of being around so many people and with so much noise made his head ache just thinking about it. So he had been given an open invitation. Turn up if possible, don't worry if not. And seeing Isak now properly in his suit, hair styled and looking like an angel. Even didn't think that he would forgive himself if he deprived himself of the opportunity to see him glowing next to Jonas, wrapped up in his oldest friends happiness. 

Even flung the blanket off himself in a sudden burst of movement. He checked his canvas, straightening it on the wall, straightening his own back at the same time. Then he made a deal with himself. He would go to the wedding. He would be with Isak and enjoy every moment. And then he would ask Isak to come to his parents with him and tell them all that he thought he might be slipping. That he was scared. That he was tired. 

He took his time getting ready. There was plenty of time to spare. He smiled as he pictured Isak's face when he got there. How Isak would look. How Even would look back away him. Using his fingers, Even teased his hair up and back, just the way that made Isak blush and sigh and press himself up against him. A couple of spots here and there. Even blamed them on the stress and resisted the urge to pop them. He looked ok. 

_Pretty blow job lips._

The thought tackled his brain. It was Finn's voice. Even blinked at his reflection. 

_No one will notice your wrists. Pretty blow job lips._

Even slapped his hand across his reflection in the mirror breathing heavily, starting to sweat in the suit he had put on. He couldn't think. He couldn't think straight. 

_Break the mirror, break the mirror. One more mark on your wrists. No one will notice. Pretty._

Even pushed away with a jerk, his hand flying up to cover his mouth, open in a silent cry. He backed out of the bathroom slowly, desperate to call Isak, desperate for his comfort. He didn't want to ruin Jonas and Eva's special day but he was so frightened. Even took his phone out of his pocket and pulled Isak's contact up on the screen. He stared at it and hovered his thumb over the call symbol. He knew that calling was for the best. Always ask for help. That was the new deal with everyone; Isak, his parents, his therapist. It just felt so wrong on someone's wedding day. 

When his phone started ringing, Even dropped it with a yell. 

He scrambled to pick it up before it rung off and as soon as he saw that it was Isak he felt tears pricking at his eyes. He tapped down with his thumb and picked up the call. 

"Hey you," Even said, trying to keep the lump in his throat from showing through in his voice while his brain shouted at him to stick to the new deal. 

"Hey," Isak said. "So, and I don't want to sound crazy but..."

"I won't judge,"

"That's because you're the sweetest human being ever created. But I just had this feeling that maybe you would like a phone call. I mean, with me. Like, I meant that I had this..."

"I love you," Even said, cutting Isak off.

"I love you too," Even heard Isak sigh down the line. He sounded relieved. "Are you ok today?"

"I'm not ok," Even said. "I'm sorry Is, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Never be. What do you need? Do you know what you need?"

"Umm, I was thinking that I'm coming to the wedding and then maybe we could go to my parents? I want to see you at the wedding. I think, I'm worried I'm slipping and I want to to see you there and then if I crash I'll have that to think about."

"You've got it all planned out then yeah? You're amazing Ev." Even heard some noise in the background, heard Isak's chuckle. He loved that sound. 

"I'll let you go," Even said. 

"I'll see you soon ok? I'll be the one with the speech and an intact dick."

"I love you Is, so much."

"I love you too,"

By the time Even had pulled himself together and made it to the venue, everyone was already seated. He slipped quietly in the back, relieved to have made it before Eva so that he could watch her come in. Her big moment. Isak's friend who had become his friend, walking to meet the love of her life in front of everyone she loves. It amazed Even. He was in awe. And there was Isak, stood with Jonas. His perfect, perfect Isak. Looking nervous. Even only just held on to his urge to go and kiss him. 

He was so entranced by Isak that the ceremony passed him by. He registered Eva arriving. He knew that her and Jonas were pledging their lives to one another. He clapped at the end when everyone else did. He watched Isak the entire time. He felt an odd mixture of giddy and worried. Fast and slow. He spoke to a few people around him, he knew that much. He couldn't recall what about. His words felt like they were coming out too fast and tumbling over his tongue, one over another. But it seemed too slow at the same time. 

He wanted to cry when Isak's speech was over because he realised that he'd not heard a word of it. He retreated to the toilets when the DJ arrived to set up because the lights and the music were too much and he wanted to cover his ears and scream. When Isak came and found him he yelled at him. Shouted that he wanted to go to his parents then shouted again because how dare Isak look sad, and didn't he know that Even just wanted to go? When Isak left him to go and tell Jonas and Eva that they needed to leave, Even stalked outside. He didn't want to stay in the toilets where Isak told him to. He wanted to go outside. He wanted to go and move and walk and pace. And lie down and be quiet. 

He lay down on the floor. 

He woke up in his bed.


End file.
